These celebratory days with relatives can be filled with cheer, happy memories, grimaces, and watching the clock (even if it’s just on your bare wrist, like Rusty!)—sometimes all in the same 10 minutes. But it’s fun to see families on screen that are trying to keep it together as well! Whether you’re anxiously anticipating a big present this year (anyone carrying around an in-ground pool brochure?) or just grateful you’re able to celebrate in a house that is always parked in the same place, re-watching this classic flick is a gift that keeps on giving (like a jelly-of-the-month club)! Some of these lines you probably already know by heart, others may have you feeling like Aunt Bethany, but all of them will help get you in the holiday spirit. So put on your teal hats, fancy pink gloves, and faux fur wraps—here are the 100 best Christmas Vacation quotes!
Christmas Vacation Quotes
- “We’re kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.” — Clark Griswold
- “We’re not driving all the way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties with the Santa Clauses on it, are we Dad?” — Audrey Griswold"No, I have one of those at home." — Clark Griswold
- “Hey kids, look! A deer!” — Clark Griswold
- “Eat my rubber!” — Clark Griswold"Dad, I think what you mean is ‘Burn rubber, and eat my dust…’" — Rusty Griswold"Whatever, Russ. Whatever." — Clark Griswold
- “Eat my road, Red Liver Lips!” — Clark Griswold
- “I don’t want to spend the holidays dead!” — Ellen Griswold
- “Clark! We’re stuck under a truck!” — Ellen Griswold
- “Our Father, who art in Heaven. Hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband, he knows not what he does.” — Ellen Griswold"Amen!" — Clark Griswold
- “Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down.” — Ellen Griswold"It’s all part of the experience, honey!" — Clark Griswold
- “Dad, that thing wouldn’t fit in our yard!” — Rusty Griswold"It’s not going in our yard, Russ. It’s going in our living room." — Clark Griswold
- “Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Christhmath.” — Clark Griswold
- “Where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?” — Todd Chester"Bend over and I’ll show ya!" — Clark Griswold
- “A lot of sap in here! Looks great. A little full. A lot of sap.” — Clark Griswold
- “I think you’re forgetting how difficult it’s going to be having everybody at the house at the same time.” — Ellen Griswold
- “Honey, they’re family—not strangers off the street.” — Clark Griswold
- “Your mother waxes her upper lip?…Hmm doesn’t show.” — Clark Griswold
- “You’re the last true family man.” — Bill
- “I was just smelling…smiling! I was just blouse…browsing!” — Clark Griswold
- “It wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter-hotter! Than they are.” — Clark Griswold
- “I was just looking at something for my wife, God rest her soul.” — Clark Griswold"God, I’m so sorry!" — Mary"Oh, no, no! She’s not dead. Yet. We’re just divorced. She’s history." — Clark Griswold
- “Can’t see the line, can ya, Russ?” — Clark Griswold
- “I’ll, uh, park the cars, and check the luggage, and, uh…I’ll be outside for the season.” — Clark Griswold
- “Think you might be overdoing it, Dad?” — Rusty Griswold
- “Oops, a little knot here. You work on that.” — Clark Griswold
- “Well, I don’t know what to say except it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” — Ellen Griswold
- “And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?!” — Margo Chester"I don’t know Margo!" — Todd Chester
- “If you need any help, just give me a holler, I’ll be upstairs—asleep.” — Grandpa Clark
- “I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas.” — Audrey Griswold"If they know you’re dad, they won’t think anything of it." — Grandpa Art
- “Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family?” — Ellen Griswold
- “Is it plugged in?” — Ellen Griswold
- “Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.” — Clark Griswold
- “The little lights are not twinkling.” — Grandpa Art
- “You better take a rain check on that, Art—he’s got a lip fungus they ain’t identified yet.” — Cousin Eddie
- “Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.” — Clark Griswold
- “That’s a honey of a tree, Clark.” — Cousin Eddie
- “A little tree water ain’t gonna hurt him.” — Cousin Eddie
- “He’s cute, ain’t he? Only problem is, he’s got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. Mood catches him right, he’ll grab your leg and just go to town. You don’t want him around if you’re wearing short pants, if y’know what I mean!” — Cousin Eddie
- “I just can’t believe you’re actually standing here in my living room, Eddie.” — Clark Griswold
- “Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the wild turkey.” — Cousin Eddie
- “And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career!” — Cousin Eddie"College?" — Clark Griswold"Carnival." — Cousin Eddie"You gotta be proud." — Clark Griswold
- “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?” — Clark Griswold
- “I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV.” — Cousin Eddie
- “Now, if you’ll excuse me—I’m in the middle of an important call… get me somebody…anybody.” — Frank Shirley
- “I don’t know if I ought to go sailing down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic.” — Cousin Eddie
- “Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record—Clark W. Griswold Jr.!” — Clark Griswold
- “Later, dudes!” — Clark Griswold
- “Santa Claus! Uncle Clark, are you Santa Claus?” — Ruby Sue
- “If you’re good, Santa knows it. And if you believe in him, and you believe in your mom and you believe in your dad—if you’ve been good all year round, Santa Claus is going to bring you something.” — Clark Griswold
- “I love it here. You don’t got to put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place.” — Ruby Sue
- “I can’t even afford to be an elf.” — Clark Griswold
- “What are you looking at?” — Ellen Griswold"Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, an a**hole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer." — Clark Griswold
- “In seven years, he couldn’t find a job?” — Clark Griswold"Catherine says he’s been holding out for a management position." — Ellen Griswold
- “This isn’t charity, it’s family.” — Clark Griswold
- “Here’s a little list - alphabetical, starting with Catherine.” — Cousin Eddie
- “Is your house on fire, Clark?” — Aunt Bethany
- “Is this the airport, Clark?” — Aunt Bethany
- “I love riding in cars!” — Aunt Bethany
- “When did you move to Florida?” — Aunt Bethany
- “Mom? This box is meowing.” — Rusty Griswold
- “Grace? She passed away 30 years ago!” — Aunt Bethany
- “I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” — Aunt Bethany"Amen." — Everyone
- “Save the neck for me, Clark!” — Cousin Eddie
- “Here’s the heart.” — Clark Griswold
- “Hey kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa’s sled on its way in from New York.” — Clark Griswold"You serious, Clark?" — Cousin Eddie
- “Hey, Gris, if you’re not doing anything constructive, run into the living room, get my stogy.” — Uncle Lewis
- “He’s old. This may be his last Christmas.” — Ellen Griswold"If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas." — Clark Griswold
- “That thing had nine lives—she just spent them all!” — Cousin Eddie
- “Look what you’ve done to my tree!” — Clark Griswold
- “What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?” — Grandpa Art
- “It’s a one-year membership in the jelly-of-the-month club.” — Clark Griswold
- “Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.” — Cousin Eddie
- “Hey! If any of you are looking for any last minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head.” — Clark Griswold
- “Hallelujah! Holy s**t! Where’s the Tylenol?” — Clark Griswold
- “I told you we should have gone to Hawaii!” — Rusty Griswold
- “I didn’t go berserk, I simply solved a problem. We needed a coffin, uh, I mean, a tree.” — Clark Griswold
- “Fixed the newel post!” — Clark Griswold
- “Do you hear it? It’s a funny squeaky sound!” — Aunt Bethany
- “Not recently, Clark, he read that squirrels were high on cholesterol.” — Catherine
- “I’m going to catch it in the coat, smack it with a hammer!” — Clark Griswold
- “SQUIRREL!” — Grandpa Clark
- “I can’t just attack someone.” — Todd Chester
- “Gone!” — Clark Griswold
- “Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas! No! No!” — Clark Griswold
- “We’re going to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye!” — Clark Griswold
- “Don’t piss me off, Art.” — Clark Griswold
- “Worse?! How can they get any worse?! Take a look around you, Ellen! We’re at the threshold of hell!” — Clark Griswold
- “I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.” — Grandpa Clark
- “It’s your house, it’s your Christmas, I’m retiring.” — Grandpa Clark
- “When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and… Eddie. With a man in his pajamas and a dog chain tied to his wrists and ankles.” — Clark Griswold
- “Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas, Clark! You about ready to do some kissing?” — Cousin Eddie
- “Yes, officer? It seems my husband has been abducted. The man was wearing a blue leisure suit.” — Mrs. Shirley
- “I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.” — Ellen Griswold
- “My cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain, is innocent.” — Clark Griswold
- “It’s people that make the difference - little people like you.” — Frank Shirley
- “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!” — Clark Griswold
- “Frank, honey, you were kidnapped!” — Mrs. Shirley
- “Welcome to our home—what’s left of it.” — Ellen Griswold
- “It’s the Christmas star. And that’s all that matters tonight. Not bonuses or gifts or turkeys or trees. See kids, it means something different to everybody. Now I know what it means to me.” — Clark Griswold
- “Play ball!” — Aunt Bethany
- “I did it.” — Clark Griswold Think you could quote them all?! Next up—50 fun Christmas trivia questions (and answers) for family gatherings!
